The Desire to Belong

Have you ever heard of Dragon Ball or any other anime? Dragon Ball was the anime I grew up with, I watched it dubbed in Spanish. My uncles loved it too, I think they were the ones who introduced me to it. When I finally got the chance to watch the original Japanese version, it felt strange, even funny, but it felt unique. I was born in a tropical country in central America called Honduras. I lived with my uncles, my grandparents, my sister, and my mom. Since Ipads and phones weren’t so common back then, my entertainment consisted of toys, watching tv, and eating of course. I devoured food constantly, I was even a chubby kid, my family cooked a lot; I suppose it was a way of keeping us close since we all ate together at the table. I remember, I absolutely hated vegetables, I hated being forced to eat them. Sometimes I was picky about what I ate, leaving scraps on my plate, which would often get me in trouble. 

As I grew up, these punishments became memories. I was now punished for playing too much and spending too much on technology. The internet was addictive, an innovation that opened doors to other worlds. In contrast I was still very ignorant and I only used it to watch youtube and play games. When I couldn’t use technology anymore, I liked to go to my friends’ houses. Almost every time I went, I ended up satisfied, I played with my friends and their moms offered me food. What else can I ask for? It was perfect. 

However as time went by, I don’t know what happened at that moment. I supposed there was a crisis, which I was not directly involved in but I did suffer the consequences. Honduras, now in 2026 is not the most dangerous country in the world, but there was a time when it was considered the number one. My family had problems, and the best way to get away from the danger was to move. I moved only with my sister and my mother to a very rural area. I had to start a new life with my family practically. The few privileges we had, like a stove, a microwave, internet and reliable electricity, were gone. The transition was tough, boredom was killing me. I wasn’t mature enough yet to understand why, I just pretended to be fine with it. I got used to a country life, went to a village school, made friends, and I learned to live simply with my limitations. I grew and lost weight, I learned to eat less. Besides, I didn’t like the food the locals made.

I had to kill the boredom somehow, so in the village, I remember there was a charity church. The people there spoke English, so I suppose they were mormons. I liked going there because there were computers with internet access and a lot of toys and books. If you read a book, they gave you snacks and very appetizing food, so I committed to reading. I should have thought about the same commitment when my mom was teaching me English. She eventually started giving English classes at the school, and I hated it because it was boring. I arrogantly already knew what my mom was teaching, so I ignored and rejected it, every aspect of it. 

 It was not all bad though. As time passed, my life and comforts improved, I had internet at home, and that made me want to watch what I used to enjoy. In my attempt to watch Dragon Ball, I discovered a new world, a new habit. The only thing I could think of was the similarity to a library, but this was different because it was another culture, one that wasn’t as familiar in my life as it is now.

 

In all the new anime I watched, I saw the characters eating food I’d never seen before. For example Deku eating katsudon, Rengoku eating misoshiro, Rukia eating dango, Naruto eating onigiri. After a long day, I’d see them eating sushi, some of them drinking beer or at traditional festivals called Matsuri, eating yakitori and ringo ame while wearing kimonos or yukatas. I could go on listing food after food because it’s such a rich and extensive culture that even natives haven’t tasted all of its potential. The foods I mentioned are only the tip of the iceberg and are completely common among Japanese people. You might recognize some of them, but for me they sparked a desire to understand why the characters I saw in those animes enjoy them so much, anime is dramatized, of course, but that very drama is what generates intrigue and that created a passion in me.

I genuinely enjoy Japanese culture and I know I may never fully fit into the image of Japan that I have imagined, but I still want to find a respectful way to embrace the culture within the limits of who I am and where I am from, I would never want to offend any Japanese person in any way, nor would I want to be rejected. But I keep a pessimistic mindset so I don’t get my expectations too high and end up hurt if I am rejected. Food, however, is something we can all share without seeming strange or ridiculous, some people might even call you extravagant for eating this kind of food, but more than being extravagant, I do it because it makes me feel connected.

When I arrived in the United States, I had no more limitations in my way of trying Japanese food. As they said, it's the land of opportunity. My regret came when I experienced the helplessness of not knowing anything in a country where a different language was spoken. I simply felt devastated. I didn’t want to improve, even though I knew I needed to learn English as soon as possible. During that time, learning Japanese comforted me. It was a way to feel productive, since I was already listening to English for 8 hours a day at school. It wasn’t until I learned to drive and had some money that my sister and I went to eat at one of the many Japanese restaurants that did not exist in Honduras. Without hesitation, she said that she loved Japanese food and ate all kinds of sushi, which certainly made me excited. Once we ordered, when the food arrived, it looked even more elegant in person. I had known how to use chopsticks for a while, and this was a way to authentically put what I’d learned into practice. When I ate my first piece of sushi, since sushi is not meant to be eaten in bites, it is supposed to be eaten whole. Unfortunately I found myself in serious trouble, I hated the taste. I had no choice but to take it out of my mouth, I simply couldn’t keep chewing it, much less swallow it.

It was a huge disappointment. I didn’t feel bad because my sister ate all of them, but I really wanted to like it. But I can’t force myself to like something, can I? There are so many varieties of sushi, for example, oshisushi, chirashisushi, inarisushi, etc. I am still open to trying a new kind of sushi if I get the chance, but it will never be my first choice for sure. And even though I had a bad experience, it shouldn’t be an obstacle to enjoying and exploring what I love and will come to love about Japan.  

Thank you for reading. 
Gracias por leer.
ご一読いただき、感謝申し上げます。